„Lo’s Appetite” is a series of paintings based on stills from the 1997 movie “Lolita” by Adrian Lane. Back then, when the movie was screened in the theaters, my mom forbade me to see it. I was 13 years old. Instead, I bought and read Nabokov’s book. In secret, of course. It marked me for life. Both excited and terrified I found myself mesmerized by the main character. I wanted to be like her. Later on, when I finally rented the movie on dvd, it played exactly as I imagined the story while reading it. I also found out that playing the once-missed movie in the background helps me focus on my work. I got obsessed with it and it became my meditative practice playing it over and over again when I’m in despair, to compose myself to paint. It was only fair to finally put it to the fore.
The series consists of growing number of paintings themed around Lolita. The aim is to capture ephemeral fruitiness and beauty of youth. To make them juicy and pretty, filled with this endless appetite for everything, a characteristic of young people. I don’t think I’ve managed to succeed at what I aimed for yet, so I continue. When I first read the book, I was afraid to recognize myself in the character. In later life I was consciously and unconsciously playing with the Lolita archetype. The more I dwell on it though, the more I understand that mirroring works both ways; I am just as Lolita as I am Humbert. I am both the object and the possessive creator. That’s why in all of those portraits you can find glimpses of my own face.
„Dear ladies and gentleman of the
jury, the exhibit number one is my portrait
photograph inside of this catalog.
Do you recognize a little deadly demon
in the pair of eyes looking straight at
you? When you examine this gaze
closely you may understand that I myself
am the engine of all my destructive
desires. Guilty as charged. I’ve had this
hunger for as long as I can remember.
There is a missing part of my soul
whose origin is inaccessible to my
consciousness. I keep looking into
strangers’ eyes searching for a reflection
of what I have lost.